Practicing any of these coping tools is likely relaxing and maybe even helps you to fall asleep. Taking it up a notch once you’ve been practicing them for a while and adding an unpleasant sensation in to make them more difficult is a good way to practice for labor. Though there’s nothing that simulates labor sensations, one way to practice these skills is to hold on to ice.

For partners: This is good practice for you too. For a lot of people, labor is the first time they witness their partner having to feel something this big. This is a peak into how the birthing person is going to respond and look while in labor. This is a practice for you to show up for them - provide encouraging words, a massage, helping the birthing person stay focused. So many people retreat when something is unfamiliar or scary; practice stepping up for them.

Practice: At random times in the day (because a lot of times contractions show up when we least expect them to) bring the birthing person some ice to hold in their hand. Could be in the middle of a movie on the couch, right before bed, as y’all are leaving the house… Make it fun! Watch the clock and have them hold the ice for 60 seconds. *In active labor contractions are about 60 seconds long. Once the 60 seconds is up, tell the birthing person to give you back the ice or throw is somewhere else. This could be 1 round or it could be more. Give somewhere between 2-10 minutes between ice contractions. Partner’s job is to start the ice contractions and the birthing person’s job is to practice these coping skills to get through them.

We breath everyday without even thinking of it, but big deep and rhythmic breathwork trains 'fight or flight' (sympathetic nervous system) to turn off and 'rest & digest' (parasympathetic nervous system) to turn back on. We want to be in the parasympathetic state to help labor progress more efficiently and safety. If the body is in a state of fight or flight and doesn’t feel safe to labor or birth then labor will likely stall until you feel safe again. The body is perfectly designed this way so that babies aren’t born in a threatening environment, but all the more reason to birth in a place you feel safe and supported in and practice these tools to remain calm even when you no longer have control over what you feel in your body or any twists and turns birth may take. YOU ALWAYS HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR BREATH.

Nerdy science: The vagus nerve connects the brain to our organs (heart, uterus, placenta, etc). Breathwork is like a workout for your vagus nerve to keep you in parasympathetic as well as return to the parasympathetic nervous system quicker when you are triggered to enter your sympathetic nervous system. Long intentional exhales is the quickest way to tap into parasympathetic.

For partners: Rather than telling your laboring parter “just breath… remember to breath…” count for them. Put their hand on your chest to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath with the goal of matching that. Get really close with them and take audible breaths to encourage them to breath with you.

Practices:

• 4-6-8 breath : inhale 4, hold for 6, exhale 8.

• Short breath into chest, remaining breath into belly, then exhale slowly.

• Square breath: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4.

*No holding of the breath in labor. Gotta get all that oxygen to baby :)

Non-focused awareness means you are open to all of your senses. You’re not focusing on any one specific thing intently but you’re in-tune with something happening near by. In unmedicated labor, the left, logical, part of the brain subsides so that the right brain and turn on. This part of the brain brings you more inward; you want to stay inward. It’s going to be a practice of listening to what your body needs but not focusing on the pain.

Birthing from Within book by Pam England provides this example to practice, maybe your partner reads this to you as you pick up the ice -

“Bring your full attention to your outward breath.

Then, notice.

What are you seeing…

What are you hearing…

What is touching you and what are you touching…

Notice your emotions…

What are you smelling (the fragrance of herbs, aromatherapy)…

Notice how the sensation is changing with each breath out. “

Maybe you hear the clock ticking, see the wrinkles in the sheets, or feel your partners firm touch on your back. You simply experience what you’re aware of without the conscious thought process around it. When you start thinking “I want more/less/none” or labeling things as good or bad then you’re back into your conscious awareness. Practice this idea of non focused awareness and tune everything else out. The car honking outside, the dog barking… you can’t control your environment ever. Even in the hospital there’s beeping machines and people talking in the hallway. Instead of viewing these things as annoying, practice just noticing and letting them exist.

With Non-focused awareness it would look like noticing the beeping. Noticing your breath. Noticing voices… but removing thought behind it, which would look like “turn that beeping off…. this is taking too long… I don’t like her voice…”

The more we try to escape the pain the more intense it’s going to feel. Similarly to when someone says “don’t think about a pink elephant” and now all you can do is thin about a pink elephant… This idea of “edges” is a practice of getting to know the sensations a bit more - where do that begin and end? Contractions become more intense as you progress throughout labor to bring baby here in a more powerful way. Stay present in the moment. Focus on one contraction at a time. If we fixate on how many contractions we’ve had and how many more we have to go then the brain is trying too hard to stay in its ‘logical’ side. Labor tends to feel unmanageable and too big. Partners, remind the birthing person to stay in the present moment.

Visualize the contractions -

Close your eyes and imagine what the contraction looks like. Between contractions, notice your comfort… settle in to this break… As you breathe, notice the contraction beginning. What does the beginning of this look like? Maybe it’s a crack like in the concrete going from one stone to the next. Maybe it’s like a wave building and getting bigger and bigger as it grows. What’s the texture of this contraction? Soft/ rough/ spikey? Notice the outline of the contraction as it begins and ends. At what point in the contraction does it go from uncomfortable to painful? What does that look like?

When you get to know the sensations in your body then they aren’t as scary.

I wrote up a little bit about affirmations here. Take some time to create your own or have friends and family make some for you at your baby shower. Hang some up around your home and read them to yourself when you pass by them.

My all time favorite pregnancy and birth affirmation deck can be found here. I have one in my birth bag that I bring to births but there are some amazing pregnancy affirmations you could post up around your home as well.

Some of my favorite words to encourage visualization of your body progressing are soften, melt, release, open, make room, let go…

*Partners - When you’re providing encouraging words, give them slowly. Say one phrase and then give a few breaths for the birthing person to settle in to that phrase, then try another one for another contraction or just a bit later. Do your homework of checking out affirmation cards or phrases and tailor them to the birthing person - What would they like to hear? What words would be most helpful for them? Practice now with ice contractions!

There’s an aspect to this that is advocating for your needs and an aspect of just completely surrendering and making any noise you need to make. There’s a connection between your vocal cords (larynx) and your cervix - turn towards low tones rather than high pitch noises.

This is mainly geared towards the birth partner but it’s also up to the birthing person to communicate their needs to the partner because they simply cannot read your mind - if something does not feel good, ask them to stop. If you need more pressure, tell them you need more pressure, etc.

For partner: keep an eye out for signs of tension and hep remind them to release it. Signs of tension are curled toes, scrunched brow, shoulders by ears… instead of saying ”release the tension,” just gently touch that area holding on to the tension. rub out the brow, put a little pressure on the shoulders…